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About Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse is still largely a hidden crime. Those who have experienced abuse from a partner or ex-partner will often try to keep it from families, friends, or authorities. They may feel ashamed or blame themselves, they may love their partner and not want him to be criticised or punished for what he did or they may be frightened that if they tell anyone and he finds out they will be in danger of even worse violence.
What is domestic abuse?
The formal definition of domestic abuse is:
Domestic abuse is physical, sexual, psychological, emotional or financial abuse that takes place within an intimate or family-type relationship and that forms a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour. This can include forced marriage, honour crimes and female genital mutilation. Domestic abuse may include a range of abusive behaviours not all of which are, in themselves, inherently ‘violent’.
So, what does ‘domestic abuse’ actually mean?
Physical abuse – this is self explanatory and what usually comes to mind when thinking of domestic abuse – the image of the ‘battered’ wife and the angry, out of control husband. The reality is harsh - nationally two women every week are killed by a partner or former partner, and a women is at most risk of death or serious injury at the point of leaving or up to a year after. Domestic abuse accounts for between 16% and a quarter of all violent crime.
Sexual abuse - shockingly, 54% of rapes are committed by a woman’s partner or former partner and a third of teenage girls suffer unwanted sexual acts in a relationship.
Psychological abuse - domestic violence and other abuse is the most prevalent cause of depression and other mental health difficulties in women.
Emotional abuse - what would happen if you could never do or say anything right? Emotional abuse can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased. Continual insults, accusations and insinuations erode away at a person until they lose all sense of self-esteem and confidence . Our service users consistently report that the emotional abuse was worse than any physical harm.
Psychological and emotional abuse is sometimes called ‘intimate terrorism.’
Financial abuse - when you are not in control of your finances this can leave you dependent and powerless. Financial abuse not only includes being kept short of money but also stopping you from getting a job or keeping your job. Imagine having to account for every penny spent, or every phone call made on an itemised bill?
Who does domestic abuse happen to?
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone regardless of social background, age, gender, religion, sexuality or ethnicity.
Men
The typical image of domestic violence involves a grown man and a grown women, often his wife or girlfriend. However, there are also women perpetrators of domestic violence, and men are sometimes victims. Men do call our helpline, both to seek help for themselves or for a family member, perhaps a daughter, who is being abused. We refer men who are being abused to the Men’s Advice Line which is set up to specifically help male domestic abuse survivors.
Women
Women are much more likely than men to be the victim of multiple incidents of abuse and of sexual violence. 32% of women who had experienced domestic abuse did so four or five times and women constituted 89% of all those who had experienced 4 or more incidents of domestic violence. Women are also more likely than men to have experienced all types of intimate violence (partner abuse, family abuse, sexual assault and stalking) and nearly half the women who had experienced intimate violence of any kind were likely to have been victims of more than one kind of intimate abuse.
Children
In the majority of families where there is abuse the children will be aware of this and will often see or hear it going on. At least 750,000 children a year will be the same or the next room when domestic abuse occurs.
Children are completely dependent on the adults around them, and if they don’t feel safe at home it can have many negative physical and emotional effects. All children witnessing domestic violence are being emotionally abused and this is now recognised as ‘significant harm’ in recent legislation.
Most children will be affected in some way by the abuse around them – they might feel angry, guilty, insecure, alone, frightened, powerless or confused. The symptoms of this may include: anxiety, depression, difficulty sleeping, nightmares, bed-wetting, tummy aches, temper tantrums, problems at school and /or withdrawal – older children may start to use alcohol or drugs or self-harm.
Not all men who abuse women abuse their children but some of them do. Research has consistently shown that a high proportion of children living with domestic violence are themselves being abused - either physically or sexually - by the same perpetrator.
Estimates vary from 30% to 66% depending upon the study. Nearly three-quarters of children on the 'at risk' register live in households where domestic violence is occurring. Children who live with domestic abuse are at increased risk of behavioural problems and emotional trauma, and mental health difficulties in adult life so the earlier the intervention the more chance they have of living a stable and productive life.
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