Am I being abused?

Everyone has arguments and disagreements with family or friends. We all do things that we regret, and we’ve all upset or hurt people close to us at some time.

Domestic abuse is not a one off incident. It is a pattern of behaviour. It isn’t always violent, but it is always coercive and controlling.

If you are frightened and confused about your relationship with your partner, ex-partner or a member of your family use these questions to help you figure out if it is abuse.

Frightened or confused? Do you think you might be in an abusive relationship? These questions might help.

Check if the answer is YES

1. Have they tried to stop you seeing friends or family?

Compared to your life before the relationship, have you lost touch or fallen out with close friends or family? Can you pinpoint the reason? Was it your free choice?

2. Have they stopped you from going to college, or work?

Do they want you all to themselves? Have they stopped you working? Has this made you financially dependent on them?

3. Do they constantly text or check up on you?

When a partner constantly texts to ask where you are or what you are doing, or look through your phone and social messages from other people this may be digital abuse. Read Keeping safe online.

4. Do they accuse you of flirting or cheating?

Jealousy may make you feel flattered, but constant accusations of flirting or cheating can constitute emotional abuse.

5. Do they constantly put you down, criticise or call you names?

Not all abuse is physical.

6. Are you ever afraid of them?

You can find more information about how to stay safe here.

7. Have you ever changed your behaviour because of them?

Do you think twice about what you wear or change where you go and what you do?

8. Have they ever destroyed any of your things?

Destruction of property and possessions is an implicit threat that the perpetrator is capable of violence.

9. Have they ever hurt or threatened you, your children or your pets?

You can find more information about how to stay safe here.

10. Have they ever kept you short of money, or taken out loans in your name?

This is economic abuse. Find out more http://survivingeconomicabuse....

11. Have they ever forced you to do something that you really did not want to?

Will there be negative consequences if you decide not to do what they want?

12. Have they ever tried to stop you from taking medicine, or getting medical help?

Withholding medication, finding ways to stop you going to the doctor or getting help constitutes abuse.

13. Have they ever said you’d be deported or lose your children?

Know your rights: http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/ge...

14. Have they ever threatened to take your children, or that you’d lose them if you leave?

Know your rights: http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/ge...

15. Have they ever forced you to have sex with them or others?

Forced sex between partners is called ‘intimate rape’. For advice and support around rape and sexual abuse contact Survivor’s Network www.survivorsnetwork.org.uk

16. Have they ever tried to stop you leaving the house?

If you aren’t free to go when and where you want to it is likely that you are in an abusive relationship.

17. Have they ever strangled you or blocked your airway and made it difficult for you to breathe?

18. Do they control your use of alcohol or drugs?

Forcing you to drink alcohol or take drugs, or withholding drink or drugs to make you dependent on them is abuse.

19. Are you or have you been forced into marriage?

Forced marriage is against the law in the UK. https://www.gov.uk/stop-forced...

It is possible that you are in an abusive relationship

We recommend you contact our helpline now on 0300 323 9985 for support.

Alternatively, call the National 24 hr Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247. If you're in danger right now call 999.

It is possible that you are in an abusive relationship

You may be in an abusive relationship.

Call our helpline on 0300 323 9985 or visit the Portal http://theportal.org.uk/ and find out more about your options and support available.

As you answered 'No' to all these questions, you may not be in an abusive relationship. However, if you feel worried or frightened then you should talk to someone about what's happening.

You can call RISE on Freephone 0300 323 9985 to talk through your options. (Or here are some other sources of advice?)

Read more about domestic abuse and ways to stay safe.